HARMONY

            I dearly love the sound of four-part harmony.  The mingling of LEAD, TENOR, BARITONE and BASS can always send shivers down my spine.  Even as a child this style of singing was a favorite of mine.  My family indulged in this type of music, although some might say not very well.  It did, however, offer us the opportunity to use what talents that we possessed and was pleasing to us, if not to others.

            The music that we were most familiar with was Gospel.  This form of music leaned heavily toward four-part harmony.  Four voices perfectly pitched and blended into one sound while singing praise and thanksgiving is almost a religion in itself.

            The love of singing harmony was not limited to records and airwaves.  It was prevalent in cotton fields, barbershops and homes.  Anywhere, that four people with the ability to carry one of the parts would get together, became a theater and could usually draw a crowd.

            When I was young, singing was done for the love of it rather than for commercial reasons.  Sometimes there were contests, but no group entered with the hope of winning, only for the sheer enjoyment of making a joyful sound.

            I still get goose bumps when I hear some of the great quartets harmonizing.  The love of harmony has stayed with me for all these many years.  I once was a member of a barbershop chorus that included men from all walks of life:  doctors, judges, laborers, cooks and clerks.  They participated for only one reason, their love of close harmony.

They sported a very unique logo that stated, "If you're too busy to sing, you're too busy."

            When I hear a group with the ability to harmonize, but the music that they choose to sing is only the lead part, I get a sad feeling and think "what a waste."  They could sound so good and inspire so many, if only they would utilize their God given talents.  I know that some music is not written for harmony, but if it IS, then go for it.  There is nothing more soothing and inspiring than to hear voices blended so closely that you cannot determine just who is singing which part.

            I am sure that there are those who will disagree with me and this is their right, but to me the sounds of music will always be FOUR-PART HARMONY.

            Swe-e-e-e-t-t  Ad-a-a-l-l-i-i-n-e…..

Demijon

Philosophy made easy

"Please, dear God, make the words that I write today sweet and tender, because I probably will have to eat them tomorrow."

I am certain that I am not the only person who breathes this prayer on a daily basis. It is indeed hard to put to paper, or for that matter, to speak what is on one's mind without the risk of offending at least one person. We do not do it deliberately, but there are times when even the most innocent of our thoughts will strike a sore spot. Humor is at its best when it can be related to the speaker/writer as well as the listener/reader. We must be willing to laugh at ourselves before we should be permitted to laugh at others. You know the idiom; if you want to dish it out, you’d better be prepared to take it.

Perhaps this is the reason that I write a lot of fiction. Fiction is the perfect vehicle for venting emotions and feelings. You invent a character and a setting, and then you can make them into anything you wish. A disclaimer at the beginning states that any similarity is coincidental and that the persons and places are products of the writer's imagination. What better place to "tell it all."

Someone once said, "If you write, write about something you know." With this in mind, large amounts of my writings are based on my memories. Most of these memories are from an era that few know about, and hopefully will produce a small amount of nostalgia in others.

Our minds contain the capacity to remember some minute detail of long ago, and when dwelling on this particular incident will expand it to reveal relevant information that can be woven into a readable article. The hardest part is attempting to relate the story in a method that will appeal to the rank and file.

For instance, no one would be interested in Joe breaking his leg trying to get the best of his young son in a game of tag football. Now, place Joe's son on the banks of a flood-swollen river, making a futile attempt to rescue a prize Hereford calf. As Joe jumps into the river to save both his son and the calf, a floating log rams into his leg and breaks it in two places.

From his hospital bed, Joe is proclaimed a local hero by his honor, The Mayor, and in the attendance of Joe’s lovely wife and his doting son. His remarks are, "Shucks, t'weren't nothing."

In addition, the calf must go on to win first place at the county fair and Joe's son must grow up to become President. This is just the way it works. Granted, there have been very good books and articles written with every word truthfully told, but those authors are the ones who are successful and do not have to rely on a fading memory.

John

Emphasis

There are folks who are under the impression that those of us in the Carolinas talk funny because we do not know any better. This is totally wrong. We do so in basic terms to get our point across with the least amount of effort and without the squander of either words or expression.

Example # 1: You walk into Bubba’s Pool Hall, Funeral Parlor & Hot Dog Stand. Immediately, the assembled patrons greet you with, "Hi ya doin'?"  Now there is no earthly reason for you to reply, “I’m fine now but last month I experienced this little boil on my left arm, (rolling up sleeve) and my doctor prescribed $45.00 worth of medication and it’s under control.” You simply elevate a fist with the thumb raised and say; "Okay, hi y'all doin'."

Example # 2: Seated on the concrete in the forth turn of Lowe’s Motor Speedway with a cooler full of Coors’s Light and a Piggly-Wiggly sack of boiled peanuts, you attempt to encourage your favorite Nascar driver to pass the car that holds the lead at the moment. It would not be feasible to shout, “Maneuver your car underneath the number 2 car and take the air off his spoiler, therefore sending him out of the groove, into the marbles made by the rubber worn from the tires of the other competitors and thus into the wall!” No. The appropriate response is to consume a handful of the boiled legumes, wash them down with a long swig of Coors and yell, “Wreck’em all, Junior!”

Example # 3: When asked for directions to the Fly By Night Trailer Park by one of our treasured touristers, it makes no sense to tell them to turn right at the ‘old Matthews place’; go pass the church and cross the creek until they come to the forks and hang a left. This will surely prompt a tirade about uneducated rednecks not erecting appropriate road signs; therefore, simply point in the direction of Bubba’s Pool Hall, Funeral Parlor & Hot Dog Stand and say, "Y'all foller Bubba tonight atter he closes.  He lives down thare."

Example # 4: Some Yankee will eventually ask why you are content to live in the backwoods, consuming road kill, boiled peanuts and beer, while working only enough to assure another round of unemployment insurance; why you can’t envision a better future in the northern United States where sand spurs, fleas, ticks and mosquitoes are unknown? Your reply should be immediate and with proper emphasis such as….

"Hail, brother. We's home and y'all ain't. If y'all ain't satisfied hear, jus' git on one uv them airplanes an' leave. DELTA'S READY WHEN YOU ARE!"

Jay Henry

The mower you mow

            For most of my young life, I was forced to spend most of my waking hours applying the teachings from early childhood, that grass was evil and all means were to be exercised to eradicate this scourge from the face of the earth.  Our livelihoods depended on the ridding of the fields of this prolific deterrent to the health of the young, tender plants on which we depended for food as well as income.

            The abhorrence that we held for grass in the crops was carried over into the yards of most farms.  Hours were spent in hoeing, raking and smoothing the entire yards with "brush-brooms" that were nothing more than dogwood branches which had been allowed to dry until all the leaves had fallen from them.  They were then tied into small bundles.  These so-called brooms left the yards with a clean, swept look that everyone considered appropriate for a well cared-for appearance.

            As time passed, the thinking of many farmers changed in favor of customs that were practiced by their "town" neighbors, and they began to cultivate within the confines of the yards, the same grasses that they worked so hard to remove from their fields.

            It became evident that a way to control the growth of this grass would have to be found, hence, the "sling blade."  A strip of flat metal was sharpened on both sides and  mounted to a handle by means of metal bars shaped in a semi-circle.  This tool, when used properly, would allow the operator to clip the tops from the grasses with a back and forth swinging motion. 

            Necessity for an easier and faster way to keep the grass in control prompted the invention of a series of blades, powered by cogs attached to wheels.  These blades were positioned in a way that forced them to contact a sharpened bar, creating a cutting motion when pushed through the grass by the operator, holding onto a "T" shaped handle.

            This "reel-type" mower was used extensively until the invention of a small gasoline engine which could be attached to the top of this contraption and served as the power to not only turn the blades but could also propel the mower by belts and pulleys.

            Eventually, this mower gave way to the modern "rotary" power mower that is still in use today in many forms.  Although the engines power a spinning blade that does the cutting,  much effort is required by the operator to push the mower through the grass.

            As more powerful engines were developed and easier ways to perform this laborious chore were sought, the invention of the modern-day riding mower changed our lives as much as any innovation in history.  Instead of struggling with "sling-blades," push type, and self-propelled mowers, we now can sit in a somewhat comfortable seat and simply guide the mower to the designated area and relax as it performs the work for us.  Along with these power tools came a different designation of the areas around our homes. 

            We now refer to the grassy carpets that surround our houses and require so much of our time as "lawns" instead of yards.  No more do we "cut the grass."  Now we mow.  As a result of these innovative machines, our lives have been made easier and our waistlines have become larger, but I for one would not relish the thoughts of returning to the days of "swept" yards and "sling" blades.

JOHN

 

                  

Experience Required

As a young father of two, the wages that I received were for the most part inadequate; therefore, I would frequently scan the want ads in search of a better opportunity. Listed were many jobs comparable to the one that I presently held and with the salary ranging much the same. Therefore, I would skip to the better paying ones. It never failed that the interesting ones with the highest salaries were the ones that stated, "Experience required."

I began to wonder just how one could acquire experience when he was denied the job simply because of the lack of it. Did all of the employees of the firm possess the necessary experience when they were hired? If so, how did they gain this expertise? Surely someone had to take the chance that all were not fully qualified before allowing him or her the opportunity to prove him or herself.

While growing up in a rural setting immediately after the great depression, I was witness to an era when experience in any venture other than farming was practically nonexistent. Many sought the few jobs that were available. The willingness to learn and perform the job was the decisive factor used by most employers rather than waiting for someone with prior knowledge to apply. Ability was gained only after given the chance to learn, and as a result many "trainees" became valued employees.

Thinking about these "hard times" brought to mind one particular individual who had little formal education and had never worked at any "public" job. The only knowledge he possessed was in the area of farming. The local manager of a well-known appliance company offered to hire Sammy on a trial basis, even though he had difficulty with reading and writing.

With his only credentials being that he was willing to learn, Sammy began a career that spanned over thirty-five years. Not only did he perform satisfactorily, he engineered many improvements in their products and made quite a name for himself by making changes that resulted in higher profits for his employers.

Sammy's ability was to some extent responsible for the company's policy to more or less drop the "experience required" wording from their advertisements in favor of "a willingness to learn."

Recent tests used by many employers have all but alleviated the prior experience requirements, and many people like Sammy are given the chance to prove that they are indeed capable; however, there are still many markets that insist on previous experience as a basis for consideration.

Both of my children succeeded in acquiring a College degree with very little help from their parents. I once voiced my pride in their accomplishments to my eldest son. His reply was, “All that a diploma tells a potential employer is that I have the ability to learn.” If this is true, isn’t it entirely possible that there are those who were denied a formal education and yet they possess this same ability?

My question is, how can experience be gained if there is no opportunity for learning? Who knows? There just may be many Sammy’s who are awaiting your decision to give them a try. By offering them an opportunity to prove that they do indeed possess the ability to learn, you just might be pleasantly surprised.

Demijon

A matter of duty

On a Sunday morning mother knocks on her son's bedroom door and tells him it's time to get up and go to church.

"I'm not going to church this morning," the son says.

"You gotta get up and go to church", insisted the mother.
"No, I'm not." grumbled the son, burrowing deeper underneath the covers.

Adamantly, the mother replied, "Yes you are!"
"No, I'm not; they don't like me and I don't like them."  "Just give me two good reasons why I have to go." yelled the son.

Disgusted, the mother replied, “You must go, because…”

"Number one, you're 55 years old and number two, you're the pastor!"

And now you know.

Jay Henry

B. C.

The era was the late 1940's – early 1950's. Practically every item which was in use at the time was constructed of either steel, wood, or a combination of both. Of course, there were a few other materials around, but primarily industry was dependant upon these two components.

Then something happened that changed our lives probably more than any other event in our history. Someone, somewhere, invented PLASTIC. Today, those of us who remember the so-called "good old days" sometimes wonder just how we survived before the invention of this, the greatest innovation since the wheel.

Plastics are found in almost every item that is marketed for use by consumers. An example of the widespread use was brought to my attention some months ago when my work as a handyman required me to keep notes in some semblance of order within the confines of my service truck. I purchased a magnet equipped clipboard to hold these notes, and immediately found that the entire inner surface of my truck was fabricated with plastic instead of what I assumed was steel; therefore, rendering the magnet useless.

Cabinets for televisions, computers, small kitchen appliances, handles, containers and even some major furniture consist of this ingenious material. This multifaceted substance can be shaped and molded into almost any configuration which makes it indispensable to manufacturing. Also, the cost is much less and that contributes to a lower price for the consumer. It is a wonderful product indeed.

The development of new products did not end here. In fact, the surface was hardly scratched. New and improved methods were swiftly becoming the by-word with industry as more exciting changes were introduced as proof of the adage that "Nothing is certain except change."

Although not surprising to many of the ones who do not remember sitting glued to a battery powered radio and cringing while the sounds of a creaking door emitted from the speaker during the broadcast of "Intersanctum." We would have never believed that pictures and sound can be bounced off satellites and into our homes from thousands of miles away.

To the few of us who still believe that man was not meant to fly and that wrestling on T V is real, this is nothing short of a miracle. We are grateful for this amazing discovery although we do not understand it. Television has opened a window to the world for many of us, thanks to the foresight of a few who dared to experiment and develop new techniques. This makes life much more enjoyable for the ones of us who were born during the dark ages and spent the majority of our lives in a period of time that has been referred to as……B. C.

BEFORE CABLE.

John

I’ll bet that you didn’t know

Websters dictionary contains thousands of words which old Noah himself was not completely sure of the correct definition. This article is intended to dispel any inaccuracy, therefore, preventing your "skinning your ignorance" when the occasion arises where you have a need to impress someone.

Append: Webster defines this word as, to attach or affix. Now, everybody knows that this is totally incorrect. “It is the rear-most part of the body of a large gorilla; the part that he sits on.”

Broadaxe: A weapon or a tool to hew timber? Wrong again. “This is a question, covering a wide variety of subjects and is usually axed by a good ole boy."

Calcium: Silver-white chemical, found in limestone, right? No. “Cal is the fellow who observed Corry Mae Poovey and Wadlow Jarvis making love on the fodder.”

Defeat: Certainly not, to win victory over; or overcome. Simply put, “dis is the part of the body dat de shoes go on.”

Ether: Commonly designated as a sleep producing agent but those of us with superior intelligence are aware that; "Ether you pay me that dollar or I'll whup you."

Futile: Useless, vain, hopeless. Ugh-ugh. Correct usage is. “Futile your kitchen and not the hall, you'll have a mess in wet weather.”

Gentile: Mr. Webster says; any person, not a Jew. Right interpretation, “flooring removed from the cotton gin and used in the kitchen or hall.”

Handbill: In the book, it states a small printed notice or advertisement. Precisely put; "Hand-Bill that hammer so he can nail them shingles down."

Indicate: to direct attention to; The right way; "Billy Joe broke his hand when he got it caught in-de-cate."

Juncture: a point or line of joining; Another Boo-Boo. "Bobby Frank tol me that you juncture car atter you wrecked hit."

Kickapoo: Noah says, a tribe of Indians, I say, "If you sass me jus' one more time, I'll haul off an' kick a poo outten you."

Locale: Incorrect definition, a place of locality; Proper usage; "a fitting greeting for former race car driver, Yarborough, you know, 'Lo – Cale."

Mater: Definitely not the mother, as depicted in the dictionary. “It is a red fruit produced by mater vines.”

Nairn: I will not doubt that this is a county in Scotland, however the correct definition is; "How come you got two co-colers an' I ain't got nairn."

Outwit: to overcome by cunning; Totally wrong; exact pronunciation; "Joe Lee went inta' that poker game wiff two dollars an' come outwit seben."

Petty cash: money for incidental expenses; No, No; “The amount of winnings derived from the NASCAR circuit by driver Richard.”

Quotient: Certainly not the result obtained when a number is divided by another; Literal usage refers to, "I run that quotient light an' got me a ticket."

Reply: Here is another of old Noah's mistakes. He indicates that this means to answer or respond. Everybody knows that this is, ”what you do when your plywood rots.”

Screen test: testing suitability as a movie star? Hail no! It's simply “determining if a fly can get through the mesh covering your window.”

Teleplay: Not a written account of a television play; The word is used mostly by coaches in the game of football, i.e. "Teleplay to that dumb-ass quarterback an' he forgets it."

Unpolled: You would think that Webster would know that this does not mean, not canvassed in a poll. "It means that the boat merely sat there, unpolled.”

Vaccine: The stuff in a shot? Definitely not; “It is what Bubba call the waitress at the diner because he pronounces an M like a V.”

Wet Bar: Once again, incorrect; Not a serving counter for drinks. "It is, they ain't nothin' slicker'n a wet bar of soap."

X Ray: Not a photograph of the bones in ones body; Correct version, "Stella is like a different person since she divorced her X Ray."

Yam: Surely everyone knows that this in not a 'tater. "This is dialogue used by cartoon character Popeye", i.e. "I yam what I yam."

Zeal: Noah's book says intense enthusiasm; Not so; “This is one of them animals that live in the cold waters near the north pole.”

I sincerely hope that you have learned something because questions will be asked at a later session.

Demijon

Instructions

Like so many other things, the instructions that are packed along with most new and innovative products are designed to drive me up the wall. Trying to follow them by the letter is almost an impossible task for me. I don't think that I've ever tried to assemble anything in which the instructions were written in plain everyday language. I usually get to a point and end up taking the item apart and starting over, because I have either misread or have forgotten step 6-A, fig. 3.

I am sure that these instructions make perfect sense to the designers of the product, but what about all of us that have to labor over them and try in vain to come up with a product that looks anything like the picture on the box.

Over the years I have found that the words "some assembly required" has an altogether different meaning. The TRUE meaning of these three words is that this box contains a plastic bag with 3,674 different little do-dads that must fit together in a certain way or the darn thing won't work, AND, an engineering degree is helpful.

Most of the time, there are 216 screws that look identical but the instructions tell us that the ones with 3/64th inch threads are to be separated from the ones with 5/32nd inch threads. Now I ask you, just how many of us laymen can even read the 32nd and 64th graduations on a ruler, to say nothing of trying to distinguish between the two screws with the naked eye?

Then there are parts A, B, C, and D. As a general rule, somewhere along the way, the labeling of one or more of these parts has been forgotten and step 4-C, fig. 2 is not completely clear as to where the unlabeled parts must be fitted.

To add insult to injury, the instructions specifically state that glue must be applied to the first two operations, and by the time I have figured out that it is assembled wrong, the glue has dried and it is impossible to separate these parts.

Surely someone that is smart enough to invent this thing in the first place can at least put the different parts in some order that is easy to understand. Who cares if it does not fit in one box. Either assemble it to start with or put all the parts in the holes where they belong and stop this business of confusing us.

Since no one listens to me, I suppose that I will simply have to read the box carefully and when it says "some assembly required," either place it back on the shelf or pay an additional amount to hire one of their engineers to put it together for me. Perhaps this is what they hoped for in the first place.

Instruction sheets have rankled me for so long that I am starting a support group with the title "D.A.S.A.R." (dumbheads against some assembly required). Hopefully I am not the only one that has trouble with reading instructions and if not, I welcome you into our little group.

If you are interested in joining, send check or money order to "D.A.S.A.R." in care of me. You will receive an embossed identification card, an easy to follow guidebook and our own specially designed tool kit, (some assembly required)…

Demijon

A Country Song

                In years past I have made many attempts to write a country song.  I have given up on this idea since I simply do not have the necessary expertise in the area of suffering.  I have never ridden a freight train.  My baby has never said goodbye.  I have never left tears on the jukebox.  Waitresses at the truck stop will have nothing to do with me.  The nearest river is only three feet deep.  I throw up after the second drink.  I discovered that the lady who answered the 1-900 number was 68 years old and weighed 378 pounds, and the only blues that I've ever had were overalls.

            Although I have had my share of troubles, they were not of the variety that record producers would break down my door and sign me to a multi-million dollar contract.  Also, I do not possess the necessary good looks or any gimmick that would guarantee them sufficient sales.

****************

            BUT, suppose for a moment that some obscure producer WOULD decide that the relating of my problems could propel me into the limelight.  How then, would my life be changed?

            On the jacket of the album would be a likeness of a gray-haired, 70 year old man with the tail of a work shirt hanging outside a pair of wrinkled shorts and a baseball cap adorning the close-shorn, white hair.  A battered guitar hanging by a piece of rope, held close to a 48-inch belly with dirty sneakers completing the attire.  Is this alone enough of a gimmick?  No?  Then let's play the record…

            The strains of the out of tune instrument begin as the house band from the studio makes a futile attempt to find the key and the offbeat timing.  THEN, the cracked voice begins with the first of several original songs, written especially for this album.

****************

            "When I woke up this morning – my lawn mower wouldn't crank – I pulled the rope, I checked the plug – There won't no gas in the tank.  My pickup had a flat, you see, – the store was far away – The knee-high grass had waited this long – it'd wait 'til another day. Yo – de – la – dee – hoo”.                                      

OR

            "I am tired, and so weary – this fast-paced life has done it – and if you don't believe it – just hear the words of this sonnet.  My get up and go, has got up and went, — My stamina will not stam – so I'll just sit here on my butt – I really don't give a damn.  Boom -ta – tee – boom – boom – bah."

            It is rather strange that after the album is released, there have been no royalty checks or requests for personal appearances forthcoming.  I suppose that it will take some time for the public to realize that another star has been made.

            Ahh.  The world of music is sometimes fickle.  Are you sure that Merle Haggard started this way?                                                                                                  

Demijon